Monday, October 13, 2008

Remarks

ON LEADERSHIP
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Arthur Schlesinger in a 1967 entry: “It is depressing to think that three of the great world leaders of 1967 – Mao, de Gaulle, and Johnson – are slightly crazy (and most of the rest are mediocrities).
*
On Nixon: “He was the greatest **** – probably the only **** – ever elected President of the United States.”
*
If I were to write a text on our recent history, a good working title would be “A regime of ****s.” In all fairness to our leaders, I should add that some of them were well-meaning ****s. The fact remains however that none of them was equal to the task. I say this to warn all our politically ambitious upstarts that not everyone is cut out for the job. To surround oneself with like-minded yes-men is easy. To seduce an audience with rhetoric is also easy. But reality is a cold bitch. The rest is bull and bias, and I for one happen to be a born-again anti-bias fanatic.
*
The chances are he who believes in God will also believe in the existence of honest politicians.
*
Our genocide happened as surely as World War I and World War II; but its reasons, like the reasons of both world wars are not as one-sided as Turks and Armenians assert them to be.
*
An atheist who thinks is closer to God than a believer who doesn't.
#
Monday, September 15, 2008
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JOHNSON SPEAKS
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President Johnson to Henry Kissinger as quoted by Arthur Schlesinger in his JOURNALS: “Okay, we will do it the professor's [Kissinger's] way. But (glaring at Kissinger) if it doesn't work, I will personally cut your balls off.”
*
HOMELAND
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When our patriotic writers in the Ottoman Empire spoke of “homeland” they meant Istanbul. Does anyone know how many of them actually set foot in Armenia?
In the 19th century, even writers born and raised on Armenian soil, preferred to live and work in Tiflis.
In the 20th century, anyone who was someone in Armenian literature in Armenia was betrayed to the authorities and was either shot or exiled to Siberia.
Zarian was the only major writer from the Diaspora who repatriated after Khrushchev's Thaw, and after being treated as a leper, he was either murdered or died as a result of an accidental fall.
The fate of another writer, Navasartian by name, the son of an eminent Tashnak leader in Egypt, was even more tragic if only because he was much younger than Zarian. He either committed suicide, was pushed, or (according to Zaroukian who wrote a book about him) got drunk, lost his balance, and fell to his death from a hotel balcony in Yerevan.
I met Navasartian twice: first time in Greece in the 1940s or early '50s, second time, about ten years later, in Canada. He was a mesmerizing speechifier.
As for writers after Independence, since they are alive and active on the Internet, I will let them speak for themselves.

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Vampires {Contd...}

“We Armenians are products of the tribal mentality of Turks and Kurds, and this tribal mentality remains stubbornly rooted even among our leaders and elites.”
NIGOL AGHBALIAN
(1873-1947)
Statesman, literary scholar, educator.
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“A familiar figure in our collective existence is the prosperous and arrogant community leader who, by obstructing the path of all those who wish to reform
and improve our conditions, perpetuates a status quo whose sole aim is his own personal profit and aggrandizement.”
LEVON PASHALIAN
(1868-1943)
Athor, editor.
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“The Armenian Diaspora is losing its character. Our language, our literature, and our traditions are degenerating. Even our religious leaders have abandoned their calling and turned into cunning wheeler-dealers. Our publications thrive on meaningless controversies. I see charlatanism and cheap chauvinism everywhere
but not a single trace of self-sacrifice and dedication to principles and ideals. What's happening to us? Where are we heading? Quo vadis, O Armenian people?
SHAVARSH MISSAKIAN
(1884-1957)
Author, editor, critic.
#
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
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ON HONESTY
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Because some Turks enjoy reading me, I am accused of anti-Armenianism; and because some Armenians enjoy reading Akcam and Pamuk, they are accused of insulting Turkishness. And this according to bureaucrats who take their marching orders from politicians, for whom honesty is a hostile concepts and truth enemy propaganda.
*
ON PRAISE
***********************
Praise I suspect because it makes me blind to my own failings. Criticism, even when motivated by prejudice, ignorance, or revenge, I welcome because it makes me stop and think, even if the interruption lasts no more than a fraction of a second.
*
MONEY TALKS
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A publisher once sent me a review copy of an Armenian WHO'S WHO in which the average entry on benefactors was seven times longer than the entries on writers. I did not review it. Let the benefactors review it, I thought, with their calculating machines.
*
ON JUSTICE
*************************
Is there such a thing as a Supreme Court in Armenia? Who are the Justices? Does anyone know their names? Why is it that they never make headlines in our press? As things stand, not only are they anonymous but also invisible, and they might as well be non-existent.
*
VAMPIRES
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There is a type of Turcocentric Armenian who judges his fellow Armenians by how much they hate Turks. To him the ideal Armenian is he whose favorite breakfast drink is neither coffee nor orange juice but Turkish blood.

Vampires

ARARAT
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About Frank Westerman's ARARAT, we read the following in THE SPECTATOR (London, August 30, 2008): “...a book of stupendous richness and complexity, a cornucopia or jumbled facts about geology, history, and since, woven into personal memoirs and travelogue that combines stories with information about religious belief, academic rivalry, portraits of fellow travellers, mountaineering history, politics, personalities and an abundance of lesser uncategorisable side-detail.” The author is described as “a clever, talented 43-year-old Dutchman of Puritan stock, [who] from his early twenties ceased to pray...and [whose] books have won important literary prizes.”
On the genesis of the book: “He first saw Ararat, the great mountain-volcano, from the Soviet side. It seemed to pull him.”
#
Monday, September 22, 2008
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CONSENSUS?
*******************************
Our Turcocentric ghazetajis, international lawyers, eminent historians, and statesmen tell us we have a very strong case against the Turks, provided the necessary amount of funds is forthcoming. Deep in a dark corner of my mind however I cannot help suspecting that the nation is being victimized for the second time. Consider some of the relevant facts in the matter. Our politicians have been of no political use to us. Lawyers will be on the side of anyone who pays them for their services. No one trusts in the judgment of nationalist historians except their brainwashed dupes. As for ghazetajis, the less said about them the better. And now a question: Why is it that the only time these gentlemen develop a consensus is when they want to raise funds?
*
ON TRADITIONS
************************************
Whenever I hear talk of tradition or traditional values, I think of Winston Churchill's retort to an English admiral: “Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy, and the lash.” And Mahler's dictum: “There is no such thing as tradition. There is only stupidity and genius.”
*
WHERE I STAND
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I am not pro-Turkish. Neither am I anti-Armenian. I am for human beings regardless of race, color and creed, and against hoodlums, ditto.
*
SCHOOLS OF ARMENIAN CRITICISM
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There are two main schools of Armenian literary criticism: the first consists in calling the writer a damn fool, and the second in stating that what he says is a lot of crap.
#
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
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COMPASS QUOTATIONS
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I call them that because they tell us where we were, where we are, and where we are heading. And I for one never get tired of rereading them.
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“What kind of people are we? What kind of leadership is this? Instead of compassion, mutual contempt. Instead of reason blind instinct. Instead of common sense, fanaticism. They speak of the cross and nail us to it again as they speak.”
ANTRANIK ZAROUKIAN
(1912-1989)
Poet, novelist, critic, editor.
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“All our religious, political, and cultural institutions share a single aim, the survival of the nation. If the nation perishes, neither Echmiadzin nor Antelias, not even God in his heaven, can be of any help to us.”
SIMON VRATSIAN
(1882-1969)
Statesman. Last Prime Minister of the Republic of
Armenia
(1918-1920). TO BE CONTD.....

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French

A LAND OF 1001 WATERGATES
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A Watergate-style scandal is unthinkable in Armenia. When told the President had lied to the people, an Armenian is quoted as having said: “So what? They lie to us all the time.”
*
MEMOS TO A YOUNG WRITER
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Never insult readers who insult you. Analyze them. No insult can be as lethal as a good analysis.
*
Once about ten years ago I called one of my borodakhos and anpardavan detractors “an inbred moron.” Ever since then he has been trying to get even by reading and contradicting everything I say even when doing so means proving me right.
*
Early success means early death. Mozart, Schubert, Chopin – dead in their thirties. Shakespeare, Beethoven, Dostoevsky – dead in their fifties. Another disadvantage of dying young is that you will never have a chance to read the obituaries of your detractors. Aim therefore at posthumous immortality.
*
ON BELIEF SYSTEMS
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They are all alike in the sense that they teach the brain to be a useless organ and thinking for oneself a dangerous enterprise that may lead to heresy and eternal hellfire. In that sense fundamentalist fanatics of all religions are more vegetable than animal, and more mineral than vegetable.
*
ON GENOCIDE RECOGNITION
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We have a better chance of achieving our goal if we appeal to the conscience of civilized Turks. To do so, however, we must first civilize ourselves.
*
ON BEING POLITICALLY CORRECT
***********************************************
The only reason we have not yet become a recognizable object of ridicule is that we keep talking about massacres, and massacres, as everyone knows, are no joke.
*
QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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Noel Coward: “How would I like to be remembered? By my charm, you silly bugger.”
#
Friday, September 26, 2008
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UN HOMBRE CON COJONES
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During the Soviet era, I remember, one of our brilliant academics, and no doubt a proud descendant of David of Sassoun, visited the Homeland and upon his return published a ferocious attack on lazy hotel waiters who, it seems, responded to his commands with the blinding speed of Slow Poke Rodriguez. This gentleman, it appears, was accustomed to dealing with waiters who moved with the alacrity of Speedy Gonzelez. And to think that we trust the education of our boys and girls to this type of elitist riffraff and crème de la scum.
*
MEDIOCRITIES AND PLAGIARISTS
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If a writer is Armenian and is not internationally known, like say, Arlen and Saroyan, he is generally dismissed as a mediocrity. If, one the other hand, he is good, he is accused of plagiarism. Even Zarian was dismissed as a plagiarist by both Oshagan pere et fils. And worse! I once heard one of our academics assert that Zarian was a hireling of the KGB. Since I have myself been accused of being an agent of the KGB, the CIA, the Mossad, and the Grey Wolves, I feel justified in adopting a skeptical stance towards all such charges.
*
SWAN SONG
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If I ever write an autobiography I will title it THE SWAN SONG OF A JACKASS: THE MEMOIRS OF AN ARMENIAN WRITER.
*
QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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Charles Dickens: “It's over, and can't be helped, and that's one consolation, as they always say in Turkey, when they cut the wrong man's head off.”
#
Saturday, September 27, 2008
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FORGIVE MY FRENCH
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Even senile old men who can't get it up refuse to die. How does one go about convincing boys and girls in their teens and twenties to go to war, to kill and die? Leave it to the elites, the educated classes, the leaders – the true creative forces in human history. Beside them writers, poets, and philosophers are nothing but hopeless mediocrities who deal in empty verbiage.
*
By ridiculing our elites, I am told, I alienate the young, the naïve, and the innocent, thus threatening the survival of the nation. To which I can only say, a nation that has survived centuries of corruption, incompetence, ruthless oppression, wars, massacres, dispersion, and subhuman existence in foreign slums should not have any trouble surviving the opinions of a minor scribbler.
*
When asked why he drank so much, Odian, an alcoholic, is quoted as having said, “To drown my sorrows.” Was he successful in drowning them?” he was asked next. “No,” he replied,”the buggers are excellent swimmers.” So are our bosses, bishops, and benefactors. For over a thousand years our writers from Khorenatsi, Raffi, Baronian and Odian to Shahnour, Zarian, and Massikian have exposed their dirt to no effect.
*
And consider what's happening today in America. We are expected to trust the judgment of a bunch of millionaires telling us -- including slum-dwellers like myself -- that the economy is in deep **** and unless something is done pronto we may be in deeper ****.
*
Dupes have no use for their brains because they believe everything they are told by someone with a beard, a title, and a degree. Somewhere Shakespeare writes “life is a tale told by an idiot.” It would be more accurate to say that it is a tale told by smart operators to a bunch of retards.

Controversial Relfections Contd...

MARX
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Many nasty things have been said against philosophy by philomorons. But consider the case of Karl Marx who single-handed (with a little help from Plato, Hegel, and Engels) reshaped the worldview of billions of people from China to Cuba, and with it, the political map of the world.
And Marx was wrong.
Now then, imagine if you can the damage a philosopher who is right can inflict on mankind and tremble.
*
NAREGATSI
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Only Armenians who have not read a single line by Naregatsi think of me as anti-Armenian, or too self-critical or analytical. There is more self-criticism in a single page by Naregatsi than in everything I have written so far.
Sartre said “Hell is other people.”
Naregatsi could have echoed Flaubert's “Bovary c'est moi,” by saying “L'enfer c'est moi.”
To Dante, hell is an operatic horror show.
To Naregatsi, it's an invisible place deep within us.
Jesus said, “The Kingdom of God is within you.”
Naregatsi says, “So is the Devil's Empire.”
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DEFINITION
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Literature: Art irritating life.
*
SHAKESPEAREA & CO.
****************************************
In Shakespeare, we have the confident voice of a rising empire;
in Milton, one of the most eloquent defenders of free speech;
in Narekatsi, the moans and ululations of a disintegrating kingdom;
in Sylva Kaputikian, a political opportunist and dupe
who operated on the assumption that Sovietism was the universal religion of the future;
in Gostan Zarian, the whole gamut of Armenianism:
from intense nationalism bordering on chauvinism
to disenchantment, resignation, rage, and the silence of despair and disgust.

GENIUS KHANS
******************************
There are some Armenians so dumb that not only do they believe in their own assessment of themselves that they are offended when no one else does.
*
SUSPICION
***********************
Whenever a reader insults me anonymously, I always assume him to be either a bishop, the son of a bishop, or someone equally disreputable.
*
DECLINE AND FALL
*****************************
One way to explain the decline and fall of Armenian literature is by saying that first-rate writers and fourth-rate readers are mutually exclusive concepts.
*
THE BUSH DOCTRINE
*******************************
It has been pointed out to me on several occasions that it is wrong being rude to my critics.
Rude to my critics? Never!
As far as I can remember, I have at no time been rude to them.
Rude to kibitzers the purpose of whose oneupmanship is to take better aim when they piss on me – that's different. I don't call that being rude. I call it preemptive strike.
*
PHILISTINES
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There is a familiar type of odar philistine who connects Parisians to pissoirs, Italians to pizza, and Armenians to pilaf and shish-kebab. To be fair, in this connection I should make mention of the efforts of our Turcocentric pundits who have been doing their utmost to change that false impression.
*
HUNGARIAN RHAPSODY
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Zsa Zsa Gabor: “My dad told me, 'Anything worth having is worth waiting for,' so I waited until I was fifteen.”
At which point she fell for Atatьrk. That's what I call a brilliant debut.
#
Saturday, October 11, 2008
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CONFESSIONS
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Lord Byron: “Who would write who had anything better to do?”
*
There are days when flipping hamburgers sounds like a more useful occupation to me. What could be more satisfying than feeding the hungry? It may not be as good as the miracle of the loaves and the fishes, granted. But it comes damn close to it. My only consolation: any writer who is unanimously rejected by partisan as well as non-partisan editors and reviled by garbage-mouth readers can't be all bad.
*
BEAN-COUNTERS
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I can understand laymen not reading the small print and being taken in by predatory lenders. What about chief executive officers and their small armies of advisers, assistants, accountants, and lawyers? What were they up to beside counting beans and pulling their dicks? If they too were taken in by cunning operators, how to explain the fact that they came out on top? The stench of conspiracy is so powerful that it would make a Bolshevik out of Senator McCarthy if he were alive.
*
THE REALITY PRINCIPLE
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Some people are so outrageously wrong that they don’t have to be corrected. Sooner or later life, facts, the reality principle will speak to them much louder than any logical argument or appeal to common sense and decency.